p thoughts and notices

The love/hate relationship between America’s sporting heroes and their fans took a not-unexpected twist over the last few weeks. In the biggest non-event of the last 5 years, it has now been revealed that some of America’s best known athletes have been indulging in stuff named “the Clear” and “the Cream” , in order to significantly enhance their bodies, performances and, if one was to guess, their earnings potential.

From Barry Bonds to Marion Jones, to Garry Sheffield and Michelle Collins, it now seems that everybody who has some kind of body has been following in the footsteps of Ben Johnson, albeit for longer and in a more effective manner. Could Lance Armstrong possibly be next? While those nasty French say yes, Dodgeball fans are expected to remain oblivious (we have a pirate on the team?)

The low wattage false outrage and somewhat mute moral indignation triggered by these revelations is not surprising, as pretty much everybody knew for a long time that these practices were prevalent, and it was only a matter of time before American athletes catch up with their counterparts from the Tour de France . No, paraphernalia is not referring to the CD by Kraftwerk). No need of EPO to enjoy this.

What paraphernalia does find fascinating is how little real outrage there seems to be when people are ingesting substances to cheat as opposed to doing so for recreational values. Let’s just compare the tepid response above with the fate and comments reserved for Daryl Strawberry for snorting too much (hey, he also has cancer like Lance Armstrong, but nobody said he ever cheated), the vilification (at best condescendence) of Ricky Williams
for choosing to retire because he prefers to smoke pot than to undergo infantile urine testing, and the drastic suspension inflicted to European soccer players because they tested positive for cocaine.

As expected, holier-than-though politicians like John McCain are trying to cash in on the non-issue (the gold old days nostalgia being somewhat tampered by 69 year old Felipe Alou’s comments that players used speed in his time), while sportswriters have been quick to say that ‘we the people” are all guilty in this (do they also say that about coke users?). Coaches, of course, will defend their players. Well, the good ones at least. The Rockies are trying to fire Danny Neagle for solicitation of a prostitute, involking a moral clause to trying to void his contract.

The moral of the story is thus simple. In the mind of Middle America, government and compliant sports media, it is now painfully obvious that cheating to “win” is significantly better than smoking for fun. Maybe it is also true that outrage is getting harder to muster for the fans, as they themselves are popping pills to enhance performance like there is no tomorrow (please remember: Viagra is for medical purposes only; not for performance enhancement, and never for recreation. Ritalin is for ADHD, not for your kids to score better in their exams).

This brings us to the last word of advice from paraphernalia to all potential users of illegal substances: when caught, please make sure to say that you did not knowingly buy cocaine from that weird guy on the street. He told you it was flaxseed oil. If this excuse is good enough for the BALCO investigation, the San Francisco Giants management, as well as the Page 2 guy on ESPN, well, it should be good enough for you too. We all should be judged by the same standards, right????